Ups and downs

Recently, my life is full of ups and downs. Ok. So there's more down than up. But still, its not something to get me down so easily. Although I do admit on some occasion, I get really uptight and feel as though I am going to implode due to all these pent up feelings inside me. I guess you can say I can pretty much pull off a poker face even though I had like a real fucked up day. With a little more effort, I am certain I can still smile at you like I just won the lottery.

But still, there are certain things that just can't seem to get out of my life. Many a times, I have fooled even myself into thinking that all is fine but only to realise that the problem isn't going to magically go away. Yes I know it is cowardly of me to run from problems, but hey, I am sure you do too. So don't start being judgemental towards me. Many would think that I have an abundance of friends to hear and help me out. That is true, but by engaging them, it would mean there will be repercussions.

As much as I want to confide in someone close to me, I also want someone whom I do not know at all and I can tell that person as much as I want without having to worry about what might happen after that. Perhaps a way to get everything off my chest. Be it small little things like how much I hate someone at work to bigger things like how I really feel for someone. I just wish that everything can be temporarily be gotten off off me.

Someone once told me that words are cheap. I have to prove it by actions. I solemly agree. Therefore, very soon, I shall make my words turn into actions to prove my points. Never again will I be described as someone whom throw words only.

-News Flash-

I just recieved an sms. As usual, small little things like these hurt me as well. Makes me feel that no matter what effort I have put in is gone to waste. However, you will not know because I would never tell you how I really feel towards your actions. You might ask, but still you will not know. No matter how you badger me. In fact, I suppose no one will know. I won't tell anyone ever. One thing I have learnt in life is that, if you want to keep a secret, tell no one. Not a single living or dead soul. Keep it to yourself until you die or you decided that it shouldn't be a secret no more.

So everything here pretty much sums up how crappy I really feel in these few days or perhaps weeks to come. I am happy about one thing though. My best friend is back in town to celebrate my 21st. I feel that this is the only thing that is keeping my spirits up or else I would have broken down long ago. Seems like I would have to thank her for helping me. Haha!